What do I want to be when I grow up?

This is a question that most of us think about as we grow up. I have come to the conclusion that I must never have grown up because I have no clue as to what I want to do with my life. It's really a question of what I'd be good at doing I guess.

  When I was younger I always wanted to be an archaeologist. It seemed interesting, and thanks to Indiana Jones, a little bit glamourous. In all honesty it was my love of ancient history and mythology that seemed to fuel this. Now I'm a little bit more of a realist. I consider the fact that I really can't go galavanting all over the world and leaving my family behind.  Also, I'm pretty sure that I couldn't support my family on any type of salary that  I would get in that type of field, especially just starting out.  Someone suggested taking my love of history and use it to pursue teaching, in effect transfer that love to another generation. I'm pretty sceptical about that because, although I have children of my own, in general I don't like kids. I never really have, not other people's kids anyways.

So then we have the dilemna of deciding what else I would be good at. And that's where I'm stuck. I know that lots of people are stuck in jobs/careers that they hate, and I don't want to  be that person. So that's where I stand at this time. I'm lost and I never grew up, at least not in the ways that most people do.

It does make a little bit of sense.

I've been thinking about some more stuff. I thought about why I have a problem forcing myself to do anything that benefits me and my family. I had a meeting with my 16 year old daughter's guidance counselor yesterday. Mrs. Nelson, the counselor, was extremely nice. The reason for the meeting was that Meghan wanted to drop out of school. Here in Florida, anyone under 18 needs parental permission to drop out of school. So we had this meeting, and listening to the counselor talk about Meg I came to realize somethings about myself. They may not be accurate or even close to the real reason, but it sort of make sense to me.

I thought that maybe the reason I won't do anything is because I'm afraid of failure. If I don't try anything I can't fail at it. As long as I only do those things that come easy to me I can't fail at all. Why would I want to go through life never being challenged at all? 

Then I thought about something else. Why do I always look for instant acknowledgement and/or affermation about anything I accomplish? Shouldn't my own sense of accomplishment be enough. I'm not saying that acknowledgement and praise aren't good and worthwhile things, but I always seem to want these things right away. When I don't get them I don't feel as if I have accomplished or contributed anything.

I don't understand these things at all. Maybe challenging myself and putting myself in different situations would help, but I'm still leery about doing that. I'm trying though.

Some goals (or something?!?)

I've been thinking about what I'm going to do now that all the kids are in school full time now, and I've come to some conclusions.

1. I need some actual goals!
2. I need to make myself actually pursue those goals
*I have trouble forcing myself to go into uncomfortable situations*
3. I MUST overcome my fears of new social situations and meeting new people
*I'm afraid people won't like me and/or I'll look "stupid"*

So as a first step, last night at work I thought about what I want to do. I have a lot of time to do that since I'm pretty much unsupervised most of the night(3rd shift kicks butt in that respect!). I really thought about what I would like to accomplish. Whether it be for personal reasons, for the betterment of my family, or both.

I got some goals... and here they are in no particular order, although some would obviously have to come before others.


1. Get my driver's license.. (Yes, I'm almost 34 and don't drive, so what!!!)
2. Go back to school (but I don't know for what)
3. Own my own home (renting sucks monkey butt)
4. Learn Japanese (harder than it sounds, and it sounds pretty hard!)
5. Go to Japan

So that's it, for now anyway... these may be changed or updated in the future with no advanced warning!!!

My Baby isn't a baby anymore!!!!!

After a huge confusing run around with phone call after phone call, letters mailed, and several trips to doctors offices and the school, my baby, my last baby started school.




It was a little late, but he started. He likes it and I'm happy that he finally went, but I miss having him home. Except for the period of time when I was pregnant with him, I have always had a kid at home all day. When I was pregnant with him the older 3 were in school, Haylee, the younger daughter had started kindergarten in Sept. and Brendan, the baby, was born in Feb.



So I'm kind of at a loss with what to do with myself on my days off from work. ERRRGGG!!!

I'll think of something I suppose

The Beginning....

In the beginning there was nothing....

Then I typed, and there was something....

I really don't have much to say right now. I'm really just trying this thing out.

Just a few basics I guess. I'm a married (sometimes happily, sometimes not so much), mother of four (ya I know, OMG! You have four kids! Like I haven't heard that 5 million times!). I really enjoy the internet, reading and music. I like crafts such as crochetting, sewing, and I'm trying to teach myself to knit. I would love to learn a second language, but it seems as though I never have the time, with a full time job and the hubby and the kids!

That's all for now!