It does make a little bit of sense.

I've been thinking about some more stuff. I thought about why I have a problem forcing myself to do anything that benefits me and my family. I had a meeting with my 16 year old daughter's guidance counselor yesterday. Mrs. Nelson, the counselor, was extremely nice. The reason for the meeting was that Meghan wanted to drop out of school. Here in Florida, anyone under 18 needs parental permission to drop out of school. So we had this meeting, and listening to the counselor talk about Meg I came to realize somethings about myself. They may not be accurate or even close to the real reason, but it sort of make sense to me.

I thought that maybe the reason I won't do anything is because I'm afraid of failure. If I don't try anything I can't fail at it. As long as I only do those things that come easy to me I can't fail at all. Why would I want to go through life never being challenged at all? 

Then I thought about something else. Why do I always look for instant acknowledgement and/or affermation about anything I accomplish? Shouldn't my own sense of accomplishment be enough. I'm not saying that acknowledgement and praise aren't good and worthwhile things, but I always seem to want these things right away. When I don't get them I don't feel as if I have accomplished or contributed anything.

I don't understand these things at all. Maybe challenging myself and putting myself in different situations would help, but I'm still leery about doing that. I'm trying though.